There’s a little bit of back story to this post..ok more like 10+years.
Esther is a high school friend of mine. I vaguely remember driving in her car to a local grocery store on a fuel tank that was empty. Anyways, I have lost over 100lbs and she Facebooked me years ago asking me how I did it. I told her and then she got picked up by WeighWatchers after she Youtubed her weight loss and then got an ad in Times Square (I guess I’ll take some credit for it .
Last week she posted this blog post and video where she discussed her true feelings about her body, especially since having a baby.
After this post I decided that I wanted to do something for myself, that shows who I really am. I can/could write all of the things which I hate about my body: wish I was stretch mark free, didn’t muffin-top, had a six pack. However, I have this body..in the stage that it’s in. I have to love it, accept it for what it is…and look forward to its positive changes.
This is me.
This is me Exposed.
I have had this picture sitting on my desktop for a couple of days thinking to myself ‘Can I really post this online? Can I be as brave as Esther?’
Yes, because I am not perfect.
My body will probably NEVER be what I want it to be.
However, I have come SO far in loving who I am, shedding 100lbs, enduring the notion of Cancer being thrown around, toying with emergency surgery last year in Japan…and RECOVERING from an emotionally draining relationship where what you see above was not good enough.
It may not be perfect, but I am ok with that.
It’s been one year since I wrote the Exposed post.
One year since I took my binge filled, unhappy self in front of a self-timed camera and began to celebrate what my body has done for me. What my body looks like.
I didn’t think anything of it. I thought I’d get a couple of comments, maybe a high five. But I was wrong. It took off. I feel incredibly honoured to be a part of something which has resonated with people all over the world. I feel privileged.
We are within a culture of not only media, but a head space which has become toxic. I fell pray to it. I wanted to be the perfect woman on the outside and forgot about my soul. I forgot, shut away, hid, suffocated and buried all of the beautiful things my body has…and more importantly what amazing things it has done for me.
Our bodies are amazing.
What I have come to realise over the past year, is that our spirit is the one thing which shines through no matter what shape, size, gender, or ability we are. In the past year my body really hasn’t changed. It hasn’t lost any weight, it hasn’t bounced back from 2 years of a binge eating disorder.
BUT, my spirit has.
I look at my body in a totally different light.I am beginning to evaluate its spirit, what comes out of its pores and radiates from its eyes and shakes in its hips. I am beginning to see the body-spirit connection. I didn’t know if I’d take another photo, but I did. In my swimming suit. It was one of the most therapeutic things I’ve done in a long time. I started to see my beauty again.
I can’t speak for the 60 others who have Exposed themselves. I can’t speak for the countless e-mails, tweets and messages I have gotten saying thank you for the inspiration that these amazing bloggers have given them. I don’t want to.
What I can say is that being Exposed is about being raw with who you are, letting your spirit be at peace and marinading in the beauty of what body you have been given. It may not be perfect, but to sit and embrace where you are in this moment is probably one of the most powerful things you can do. In fact, I believe it will get you to your optimal level of spirit-body connection.
What I know is that sitting in a swimming suit, for all the world to see is damn scary. But I’ll do it until I die, if it means that one person is given a newly found appreciation for who they are.
here are those who have reflected on their Exposed posts